HAPPY. . . . . . . . . . . .

The Last Goodbye

There was a post on the MG FB Group about saying goodbye to your missionary and since I did not have my blog when Brandon and I said goodbye and it has been on my mind I will post it in a little more detail here.

The last time I saw Brandon was in the Seattle airport as he left for the MTC. That morning I drove to his house and his mom had made breakfast. Everyone was trying to act happy and calm but I think I was not the only one breaking down inside. After Breakfast Brandon and I snuck off into the backyard. He held me tight while tears flowed down my face. He kept whispering that he loved me over and over again. We shared the perfect last kiss and it was incredibly painful to pull away knowing that it would be two years before this happened again. The grass was damp and the air was cold. His being there so close felt so right.

His family left to have him set apart and I drove home until that afternoon when I met his family at the airport. He was already set apart so no more hugs and kisses. After his family said goodbye they gave us some space. Brandon and I walked around the airport. I showed him the exact spot that I would be standing when he returned and told him that I would be wearing the same clothes that I am wearing today down to the shoes and would not wear them until then. He took a picture of me standing there on his camera to look at and help him imagine his return. I put on my best welcome back face for the picture though I know that I am going to be blotchy red with tears when that day arrives. That outfit is now in a box not to be worn until I see him again.

I wanted to be the last familiar voice that he heard so I watched him go through the security checkpoint line before running up to him just before he went through and leaned close to his ear careful not to touch and whispered that I loved him. Apparently he was not as careful about the no hugging rule because he suddenly grabbed me close for one last hug. I think he talked to his bishop about that once he got to the MTC. Haha. I handed him three very bulky letters that I had already written him. One for the plane, one for his first night in the MTC and one huge one for when times got tough. He tells me the he has not read the third one yet but gets strength from just looking at it in the envelope. He wants to read it on his flight home just before he sees me again in my same outfit standing exactly where the picture was taken.

AHHHH! When will it end!

To everyone who has expressed their love and concern for Brandon, I want to say that I love you so much and share what I have learned from Brandon about the swine flu. I have been postponing venting my worries about it but am just plain worried. I sit online every chance that I get reading about it, praying that there will be a break in the epidemic. My latest letter from Brandon said that the missionaries are under strict sanitation orders. He sent me his copy of the guidelines:

• Wash your hands frequently, especially if you have had contact with someone that is ill.
  
• Avoid touching your mouth, nose and eyes with your hands.
  
• Do not greet someone directly with a handshake or a kiss. (come greet me with a kiss, I'm safe, I promise!)
  
• Avoid places where there is close contact with large groups of people, like the subway and buses.
  
• Cover your mouth and nose with a disposable tissue when you cough or sneeze.
  
• Eat fruits and vegetables rich in vitamins A and C (carrots, papaya, guayaba, oranges, mandarin oranges, limes, lemons, pineapple, etc.)
  
• If flu like symptoms are detected, seek medical help immediately.

On top of this they are not allowed to eat from street vendors and the missionaries carry antibacterial gel. All their church meetings have been cancelled until further notice from the church. I always wish Brandon was here with me but I know that he is doing the Lord’s work. Is it to much to ask for him to come home until this blows over? I guess all we can do pray for Brandon and all the other missionaries at risk of being exposed.

Brandon wrote: "Pretty much everyone is wearing face masks and we wear them when we go outside. Really dorky but it is better to be safe. The buses are kinda empty and the lack of tourists in the city is strange. Kinda weird to be in a city that was once so busy and is now relatively quiet. Kids are not going to school, people are staying home from work and all
our church meeting are canceled. Everything we are told is pretty scary stuff about how quickly it spreads and how many people are dying. Pray for everyone here."

This whole thing is driving me CRAZY! I am trying to not go insane but can I just say how ridiculous it is that we live in a world like this! Why does Brandon have to be in Mexico instead of somewhere safe like North Dakota?

Here is the statement that the church released:

“Church leaders are closely monitoring news, security and medical reports
regarding the swine flu outbreak. The Mexican government has requested that all
churches and organizations in Mexico City and affected areas suspend public
meetings and has asked residents to follow basic sanitary precautions to guard
against infections. We have asked our members and missionaries to follow these
precautions and Church leaders have cancelled meetings until further notice. All
missionaries in the affected areas are reported to be safe."

New Calling!!!

My Bishop pulled me aside today to give me a new calling. I am going to be a RS teacher and I am SOOOO nervous, excited, and anxious. I will be teaching once a month which gives me a month to prepare. I can't wait to talk to the pres. and find out what my first lesson will be on! I am so scared that all the sisters are going to have to listen to me talk for 40 minutes. I really hope that I am not boring. I have never had a calling like this before ('cept when I was a GD teacher but there were only 5 or 6 in a class and being Laurel's pres was pretty tough because I would have to conduct all the time and give lots of mini-lessons) but this is just so much more stressful then those.

Even though I'm embracing change and going forward with faith I will seriously miss being a VT supervisor. I got to know so many amazing sisters who I will miss having church reasons to call. I will miss getting to know all the sisters in their homes, being a VT sub and having busy days at the end of the month to make sure we get 100%. Being a supervisor was challenging but I liked having a goal to achieve and being a teacher is so much different. I will just have to prepare as much as I can, pray, have faith and let HF use me as an instrument to touch the sisters who need to hear the words of the lesson. If you have any teaching tips let me know. I will post when I get my fist lesson looking for ideas! OH BOY!

SO PRECIOUS!

I got this in an e-mail and it was just to precious not to post!For Sale: Useless Cat

Dear Toaster

Toaster, Oh Toaster

I'm pretty sure that my parents got you as a wedding gift a billion years ago.
You had no setting, just overdone.
I love eating bagels in the morning but had to buy small ones that fit into you.
Once you caught on fire and I thought you were broke but you kept on cookin'.
Now you are dead and I have no idea why.
You passed in your sleep without a struggle or a battle.
I will always miss you, no toaster will ever be the same.

Oh to be 17 Again

Yes! I saw the movie opening day and Yes! Zach is as beautiful as ever! It was certainly not an original story idea but a classic one. And let's be honest, you could tell that same story over and over and I would go see it as long as the actors are as beautiful as Zach!

Wednesday Worries

It has really been the hardest days of the year so far. I have had no time for myself and certainly no time for the blog! It is so horrible that I had to have such a terrible week just after conference weekend when I was on such a spiritual HIGH. I know that Satan will do everything he can to crush my spirit so it is up to me to EndureToTheEnd.

It has been test after test at school, all my assignments are piling up, I did not get a single letter from Brandon (I think one got lost in the mail), my boss hates me (I think) and Juliette passed away. I am so sad that the last time I saw Juliette was TWO WEEKS ago. I wished I could have been there at the end! My parents said that it was a peaceful passing and they wished I could have been there too. They got her for me on my third birthday and she has been my best friend ever since. One of the hardest parts about going to collage was not taking her with me, and now she is in heaven and I will not get to be with her again in this life.

The day I got JulietteLast night, I was so down from the news and everything else that I drove to the Seattle Temple in Bellevue (an hour and forty minutes away) just to sit on the grounds. It is the temple that Brandon and I are going to get married in and we used to love to make the drive and have picnics on the grass. The temple closed at 8PM right before I got there which was sad because I wanted to go into the waiting room but just being there was so peaceful. It was pretty cold and rainy as usual but I brought a blanket, umbrella, stationary and my scriptures so that I could sit outside. I spent the night with the Johnsons who used to live in my ward before moving to Seattle. They were happy to take me in even though I gave them no warning. They moved Jarad (oldest of 8 perfect children) to the couch and I slept in his bed. We ate breakfast after 5:30 scripture study, the kids left for EM seminary and I drove back to catch my 8AM class.
I miss Juliette so much and know she is in a better place. Jane sent me this Native American poem that she found this morning and it was so fitting and perfect.

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am the birds that sing
I am in each gentle thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there. I did not die.

I Heart Conference

This is my first conference with Brandon on his mish and missionary work was on my mind. I knew that if I prepared myself to be taught that HF would put the right words directly into my heart. I felt like every talk was about being a missionary, either full time or as a member missionary and I am excited to share the gospel with those around me. Conference is a huge spiritual charge for me and I have to use that charge to it's fullest over the next six months. Here are the treasures that touched me!

Elder Cook told the story of the Atheist campaign in London telling people that there is no God. This surprised and crushed me. I have such a great work ahead of me as a member missionary with Satan so strong in these last days. I pray that Brandon's mouth will be opened to those who are in the midst of spiritual storms. I wish that we could preach God's love on buses and let everyone know that there is a meaning to our time here on earth.
The Atheist Campaign The message I want to share with the world! God Lives and Loves You....The Mormons Elder Cook also instructed "Our Obligation is to love and teach and never give up". Love is the most powerful gift we have. I LOVE LOVE LOVED Elder pearson's Six destructive D’s:

Doubt, discouragement, distraction, lack of diligence, disobedience, disbelief. This time in my life is the hardest it has ever been. It is so hard being in school, not being able to talk and be with Brandon and feeling alone around people who do not understand what I am going though. My most important calling right now is to be cheerful and serve others. Avoiding the destructive D's is going to have such a + influence in my life!

Elder Oaks quoted President Monson after telling President Hinkley's "forget yourself and go to work" missionary experience. I know that everyday Brandon is learning to forget himself. He is such an amazing missionary who I admire so much. President Monson said “You can never love the Lord until you serve him by serving his people”. What amazing and inspiring words.

Mother Teresa "We cannot do great things only small things with great acts of love"

Elder Perry has always held a special place in my heart. When I was in High School he visited my region and spoke during a regional EMFS (early morning fire side) on the importance of the Articles of Faith. I am so grateful that my mom made me memorize them when I was eight so that they have become part of who I am. I felt that it was inspired that his talk focused so much on Missionary Work. The phrase that stood out the most to me was "Missionary work becomes the responsibility of all of us as soon as we have been warned". I love conference and can not wait to get Brandon's notes from what touched him. I am going to put together a conference package for him later today with some of my inspirations!

Baby Babies!

Kate, my best married friend, had twin girls last month and we just celebrated their 1st month birthday. Faith and Hope are getting so big and adorable. Faith has the weight and Hope has the length. For the girls 1 month B-day gift I made them this adorable paper bag scrapbook. It is complete with tons of ribbon, pop-outs and tabbed inserts. I had to watch the BBC Pride and Prejudice TWICE before I was finished but it is seriously the most amazing gift ever! I cannot get enough of MR. Darcy's long glances in Lizzy's direction as she plays and sings Voi Che Sapete from la Nozze di Figaro by Mozart. Is there anything more tender? Anyway, Here are the pics of my awesome gift. I have some cute ideas in my head for Faith and Hope's 2 month!

I Wanna Be On TOP!

AS You know I am in Chicago for a short VACA and decided to spend a day at the ANTM auditions here........
Holy Moly! It has been a long day and I was just cut but I did not walk away empty handed. An ANTM casting director told me I was pretty enough!! DUUHHH! The whole day was not a waste; in fact I enjoyed it immensely. I would do practically anything for validation. SOOO, Here is how my day began……

5:30 Wake up and beautify! I sprawled my many beauty necessities out on the bathroom sink and began to make myself look naturally amazing. Not to much makeup, just enough hair pulled from my awesome pony, and cloths chosen especially for today. I looked awesome!

6:30 Pack up and leave the hotel.

6:48 Arrive at the audition. Where is the line? OHHH! Where is the end of the line? Nope, not there. Nope, not there. Ahh, there it is. Runway walk to the clear back of the line while being stared down by hundreds of pretty girls.
The location of the audition was not announced until late last night but luckily it was just down the road from our hotel! Line up started at 6:00 and doors opened at 7:00. I was there just before the doors opened but the line was already wrapped clear around the building!

6:50 Start making friends, total BFF potential here and there would be A LONG TIME to test the water. Observation #1: There were lots of divas in front of me. Observation #2: Most of the girls were skinny and beautiful. A surprisingly small number should have been told to stay home. Observation #3: As a Caucasian I was in the minority.
The line was moving pretty quickly once I got in but girls were piling up behind us just as quickly. Some of them started talking about ANTM and several were quoting from the waiver that was posted online. Most pretended that they had not seen very many episodes of the show but as the chatter continued it was clear that they were VERY familiar with all the previous contestants. Some discussed if Tyra or Twiggy would be inside. Absolutely NOT, why would Tyra, queen of the world, waste her time here? Several Chicago girls insisted that Tyra is so GHEHH-TOHHH and would love Chicago.

As we got closer to the building entrance we were put in groups of two helping the line move quicker. Brittany was my buddy and Keisha was in front of me. Brittany was adorable and I certainly thought she had potential. Keisha was 5’11”. I felt bad that she spent the day there when the guidelines CLEARLY said they were looking for girls 5’7” and under. She thought she was “all that” and was banking on the one line at the bottom of the waiver which gives the judges the right to bend all rules. Keisha would be the worst person to room with ever! The girl behind me drove 10 hours with her husband and three kids to be here. Someone should have sat her down beforehand.

8:30 we entered the building. I was so happy to be out of the cold. My hands and feet felt like ice cubes. Cameras and phones had to be turned off here. We were herded into a horribly rigorous security check point with a beeping wand and everything (they did not find my pepper spray though) then up an elevator to another long line in a hallway. We continued moving slowly and past the first girl’s room. Some stopped but most would rather die then possibly loose their place in line. I was among the rather die group. We shuffled through hallway after hallway and finally saw a door to turn into. As the door got closer girls began to strip off their jackets and primp. The primping spread like wild fire as compacts and lip gloss were whipped out. We finally went through the illusive doors to find nothing but another hallway and another door. Once through the second door we were given a wrist band, the wristband was stamped and we were assigned numbers. 1082!!! WOW, there were almost 1,100 girls in front of me and a bazillion more behind me.

8:50 The auditorium. Once we were numbered we were seated in a huge auditorium by number and told to wait until called in groups of 50-75. They were only calling the 600s when we sat down so I took this opportunity to go to the tinkle room. Going into the bathroom was so intimidating, there were girls packed around every inch of sink space doing every kind of primping imaginable and I mean every kind! I quickly did my business then went back into the auditorium. News crews were getting the sluttish girls to talk to them and having mini competitions. Lame. I am on the Left side on the group in the video HERE.

Lots of girls had brought photos of themselves just in case. We passed the photos around and told the girls how ahhh-mazing they looked. WHATEVER! I saw everything from the worst swimsuit Polaroid imaginable to professional modeling shots. These girls were insane and looking at those pictures I was shocked that some thought it would be helpful. Keep your clothes on girl!

10:20 Our group is called. FINALLY! I was so nervous and it did not help that the auditorium was freezing. We were ushered out of the auditorium keeping in numerical order and brought into a smaller conference room where we were shoulder to shoulder around the walls of the room. A male casting director walked in and asked us to quickly state our name, height and age. After all 50 of us were through he had us chit-chat with each while he walked around. I’m normally the best small talker alive but after four hours with the same group there was not a lot to say. Small talk was painful but we did as he asked. Finally he picked up his notes and started calling numbers. My number was the 7th called of 13. The other 37 girls were sent home. There was crying, girls tried to hug and congratulate me….. Spare me. Once the ugly girls were gone the casting director told us that the beauty part was over. We were all pretty enough to be on ANTM but in the next room we would be asked to do the same thing and add a blurb about ourselves on camera to get a glimpse of our personality. We all practiced our blurb “I am a Mormon from Washington who sticks to my values and I wanna be on top!” with each other before being moved into a holding room.

10:31 More waiting. The chairs in the holding room were all full with other “pretty-enough” girls so they made us sit on the floor, not fair. We shuffled around several times and were told over and over that if you were out of the room for a simple shuffle you would loose your place. I saw several girls go to the restroom but only after much debating. They had to take all their belongings with them just in case they were not allowed back. The thought of not being able to pee made me want to but I would never take the risk.

11:20 The final moments. Finally I and about 200 other pretty girls were brought into a medium conference room and packed around the walls. We were like sardines in a circle hugging the walls. In the front was the main casting director who has cast every season from season one. She had a camera set up and a computer. She explained they were overwhelmed by the amount of people in attendance and were pressed for time. Instead of letting us do our personal blurb we would only get to say our name, age and height again. WHAT! I came all this way because I have the best personal blurb ever!

11:50 After saying our name, height and age quickly in front of the camera eight of the 200 girls were chosen to continue. Divas were crying and hugging the ones asked to continue (like we care about them anyway) but the saddest part was walking out. Our wristbands were cut from our arms and thrown away while girls were tossing their 15 page application in the trash never having a chance to share it with anyone. I was proud of my application! It was amazing and my only recommendation to ANTM to prevent such a cry-fest would be take the applications from the girls 3 hours before the first cut. Label them with the numbers and file them away. You do not have to read them; you can throw them away two seconds after we leave. Just don’t let the girls leave with their application in hand hating the show. Poor strategy, these hysterical girls are your fans and the least you owe them the allusion that you care.
It was sad when it all ended but I am still beaming knowing that I am 100% pretty enough. I guess that was all I wanted to hear since I did not want to wear the smutty outfits anyway. It would have been fun though to be the girl who had a break down over having to be a slut and quits the show. I could have absolutely provided that for them.
Evelyn;s advice to future auditioners: Plaster the three words that describe you or your personal blurb on your body. Maybe a tee that has them written on it so that they look at you and can’t help but absorb a piece of your personality. Auditions are random. At any time they could have chosen 20 girls from the audience and had a great show. They know they do not need to be picky so you need to force your personality as much as you can without being obnoxious. Go for it, maybe like me you will be told that you are pretty by an ANTM casting director. So worth it!!

Check out the Chicago Tribune's review of the day!

65 Things

1. First thing you wash in the shower? My hair but I just like to soak for a while at first!

2. What color is your favorite hoodie? Dark Blue

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Most certainly! Brandon and I have lots of Kisses in our future!

4. Do you plan your social calendar more than a week in advance? Sometimes, I like to leave room to be spontaneous though. Is that an oxymoron?

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Bored, I would rather be with my missionary than sitting at home by myself.

6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red? Vogue

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? Very weird, I missed class and had to convince the teacher that I was in Brazil and should still be able to take the final. Never found out if I would get to or not.

8. Did you meet anybody new today? No

9. What are you craving right now? Blueberries!

10. Do you floss? Yes, not flossing leads to gingivitis and bad breath!

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? Salad

12. Are you emotional? Yeah, I cry in the shower when I am upset.

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000? I don't remember.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? Bite, but I like to make it in my ice cream maker and fresh ice cream is soft and creamy, not biting materiel.

15. Do you like your hair? After years of being in a feud with my hair we have come to appreciate each other.

16. Do you like yourself? Yes

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? Is he paying?

18. What are you listening to right now? Michael Buble

19. Are your parents strict? Yes, but they are also my best friends. Brandon's parents are more easy going and I love them to death too.

20. Would you go sky diving? Absolutely, but I would almost certainly throw up from motion sickness. Worth it though!

21. Do you like cottage cheese? Yummy

22. Have you ever met a celebrity? Yes – Joey Fatone, Chris Rock, Saw Paris Hilton at a distance as well as Mandy Moore, Shook Elder Perry's hand.

23. Do you rent movies often? Netflix and online TV

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in? My promise ring from Brandon is pretty sparkly!

25. How many countries have you visited? 2, but I really want to go to Mexico. It sounds so AMAZING there.

26. Have you made a prank phone call? Yes, when I was like 13 and that was funny.

27. Ever been on a train? Yes

28. Brown or white eggs? White

29. Do you have a cell-phone? Who does not? I don't think I will ever have a landline.

30. Do you use chap stick? Burt's and only Burt's!

31. Do you own a gun? NoWay!

32. Can you use chop sticks? I love to use chopstick and I love to make Thai food. Who knows if it tastes authentic?

33. Who are you going to be with tonight? Probably just me and Jane tonight. BFF

34. Are you too forgiving? Maybe, I am a peacemaker.

35. Ever been in love? Yes, still am

36. What is your best friend doing tomorrow? Serving the Lord on a mission.

37. Ever have cream puffs? Yes

38. Last time you cried? A few days ago, missing Brandon.

39. What was the last question you asked? What should we do for dinner?

40. Favorite time of the year? Spring, everything is fresh. Brandon and I have so many amazing springtime memories.

41. Do you have any tattoos? I would never dream of doing that to my body. I guess putting Brandon's name on my ring finger under my ring would be cool.

42. Are you sarcastic? Me, Never!

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? Yeah, I thought it was so cool how everything changed because of one little action. My life would be so different had Brandon and I not grown up going to school together and had four classes together Jr. year.

44. Ever walked into a wall? Yeah, several.

45. Favorite color? Pink

46. Have you ever slapped someone? No

47. Is your hair curly or straight? A little of both.

48. What was the last CD you bought? Who buys CDs anymore? I love downloading music and most recently got some Miley Cyrus.

49. Do looks matter? NO, I like to dress up and put on makeup but I love that I can leave the house without fretting about getting out of my sweatpants. I try to never judge people by the way they look. We are all children of God. I know Brandon feels the same way.

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater? I'm not sure. I have never been cheated on.

51. Is your phone bill sky high? No

52. Do you like your life right now? I miss Brandon.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on? Sometime I turn on Disney movies so that I do not feel alone. I love Beauty and the Beast.

54. Can you handle the truth? Yes. I prefer the truth.

55. Do you have good vision? I wear contacts and so does Brandon but he also looks adorable in glasses. Our children will be blind.

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? No, I only have one real nemesis.

57. How often do you talk on the phone? Always.

58. The last person you held hands with? Jane.

59. What are you wearing? Sweats and one of Brandon's T-shirts.

60. What is your favorite animal? All birds, I love to watch them in the sky and imagine the perspective they have on the world.

61. Where was your FB profile picture taken at? It is a painting by Jackson Pollock.

62. Can you hula hoop? I could when I was younger. I haven’t tried for a while.

63. Do you have a job? Yes

64. What was the most recent thing you bought? Food.

65. Have you ever crawled through a window? Weird last question but YES.

Taste The Memories

So many of my memories with Brandon are brought back through the sense of taste. I can remember exactly what we ate on so many of our romantic dates and all the times we spent hours in my kitchen making fun treats to share. There are certain tastes that remind me of Brandon. It is as if we have tastes rather than a song. Mac&Cheese is our meal. Brandon loves the stuff and I would make it for him all the time. I can only eat it now when I really miss him and need a pick-me-up. Brandon's favorite desserts have lemon in them. For our one year anniversary I made him the most amazing lemon chiffon cake. Yesterday was our four month mark on his mission (1/6th of the way) and I was missing him so much that I spent two hours making the most beautiful lemon chiffon cake to remember him. I looked at the price of overnight shipping to Mexico but it is SOOOO much. Sadly I will just be able to send him pictures.
Once the cake was made I could hardly eat any and it was lonely eating it alone so I saved it for my home teachers who came and visited my roomie Jane and I. They loved the cake but have no idea about the real reason I made it. I miss you so much Brandon. I also know that the work you are doing is more important than any other. Lemon Chiffon is just not the same without you and I do not know if I can have Mac&Cheese for a while but the sacrifice you are making not only blesses me but it blesses all the people who love you. Our souls are one.

Joining the Blogoshpere

I have finally decided to join the BLOGOSPHERE and throw myself into the e-world. I am a 19 year old student at Western Washington U and am waiting for my missionary. Brandon and I have been dating for 2.5 years and he is serving in Mexico City. I am so proud of him and love him so much. He has always kept me sane and it is eternally hard being away from him. Every letter is an adrenaline rush and counting the days until I see him again keeps me going through the hard time.

It is hard being a Mormon girl where there are not very many of us and it is even harder waiting for a missionary because none of my friends understand what it is like waiting for someone who I love so much. Everyday I just want to fast forward the clock and be with him. Some days are hard and some days are perfect.

Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. ~Edna St Vincent Millay

I am excited to meet people who understand me and who I can relate to. I have several blogs that I love to read but as a writer I am a newbie.