Wednesday Worries

It has really been the hardest days of the year so far. I have had no time for myself and certainly no time for the blog! It is so horrible that I had to have such a terrible week just after conference weekend when I was on such a spiritual HIGH. I know that Satan will do everything he can to crush my spirit so it is up to me to EndureToTheEnd.

It has been test after test at school, all my assignments are piling up, I did not get a single letter from Brandon (I think one got lost in the mail), my boss hates me (I think) and Juliette passed away. I am so sad that the last time I saw Juliette was TWO WEEKS ago. I wished I could have been there at the end! My parents said that it was a peaceful passing and they wished I could have been there too. They got her for me on my third birthday and she has been my best friend ever since. One of the hardest parts about going to collage was not taking her with me, and now she is in heaven and I will not get to be with her again in this life.

The day I got JulietteLast night, I was so down from the news and everything else that I drove to the Seattle Temple in Bellevue (an hour and forty minutes away) just to sit on the grounds. It is the temple that Brandon and I are going to get married in and we used to love to make the drive and have picnics on the grass. The temple closed at 8PM right before I got there which was sad because I wanted to go into the waiting room but just being there was so peaceful. It was pretty cold and rainy as usual but I brought a blanket, umbrella, stationary and my scriptures so that I could sit outside. I spent the night with the Johnsons who used to live in my ward before moving to Seattle. They were happy to take me in even though I gave them no warning. They moved Jarad (oldest of 8 perfect children) to the couch and I slept in his bed. We ate breakfast after 5:30 scripture study, the kids left for EM seminary and I drove back to catch my 8AM class.
I miss Juliette so much and know she is in a better place. Jane sent me this Native American poem that she found this morning and it was so fitting and perfect.

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am the birds that sing
I am in each gentle thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there. I did not die.